I have been having a rough go at it lately. Really, almost this whole month has been a difficult one for me to get through. I have been feeling exhausted, unmotivated, mildly depressed, and overly stressed. Most of all, I just feel tired.
Every morning I wake up feeling more worn out than I did the night before and completely unprepared to face the day. I think this all has probably shown up in my posts recently. I have made reference to the fact that I’m having trouble sleeping, been dealing with consistent headaches and feeling unmotivated in my training for my half-marathon. Since I’ve been so tired in the mornings, I can hardly pull myself out of bed in time for work, much less to get in a run. And after work I am already run down for the day and usually have too much going on, anyways. So I have been doing zero during the week runs or exercises and in order to keep up with my training, I’m just huffing my way through 6 or 7 miles, which is not the way to do it.
And there’s no good reason for any of this, either, which makes me feel guilty on top of all of everything else. I know that I have no right to feel this way because there are so many other people who deserve to more than I do… and many of them don’t. So I’m not saying all of this to make anyone feel bad for me or anything like that. I’m just trying to be honest as I work on my own issues.
I think all of this has come about by being overwhelmed with so many things going on right now. Work, school, commitments, activities. I am in the middle of midterms and have a big paper due on Sunday that I feel totally unprepared and uninspired to write. I hoped to crank out 2 or 3 pages last night and I think I made through about 6 sentences before my brain shut down.
And I put a lot of pressure on myself with The Stolen Colon and with other activism activities and I feel the need to write a certain number of posts on a certain number of relevant topics. And I am so behind on replying to emails and reaching out to people online, and I really hate that.
So I am taking a few days to sort it all out. At least enough time to get through this midterm and find my footing again. This blog and the people I have met because of it are some of the most important things in my life. I don’t want my posts on here to be posted just for posting’s sake. I want them to mean something. I want them to be either well thought out and researched or the product of a burning issue in my heart.
I know this isn’t how things are supposed to be. I know that I have no good reason to feel depressed or feel so exhausted, and I also know that it’s up to me to fix that. I know happiness is more about making a decision to be happy than anything and I just need a little time to figure out what I need to do (or stop doing) in order to find that. I just need to remember what’s most important and determine the best way to stay involved in everything I love and to really make it all count. I love you guys and I will see you again soon.
I found this quote online today and thought it was worth sharing…
4 Comments
Sometimes it is one step back to go two forward. Good luck. I’ve no doubt you will accomplish everything if you deal with one issue at a time.
February 26, 2014 at 1:50 pmI completely understand that feeling.
February 26, 2014 at 3:09 pmHave you considered that your ostomy might be the cause of this? I found this blog post and have been quite curious to know if other’s with an ostomy have suffered depression that couldn’t be linked to anything else.
http://girlgirlsileostomyblog.blogspot.ca/2013/05/no-more-intestines-no-more-seratonin.html
Honestly, I have never even thought about that. Makes you wonder… Thanks for passing along!
March 5, 2014 at 8:31 pmI wonder if those of us with an ileo are prone to feeling depressed/lack of energy for no apparent reason other than our bodies do have to compensate more than someone with a full set of bowels? I find in the winter that I’m highly sensitive to the lack of sunlight and what gets me through is taking 4000-5000 IUs of Vitamin D until I can get outside regularly. I also take other supplements, and try to avoid eating too much candy–which is hard because my body craves sugar in response to the cold. I also take a 5-HTP supplement as this helps me with sleeping. Some people get great results with melatonin, but I find that doesn’t work well for me, whereas the precursor, 5-HTP does wonders for me. The combination of Vitamin D, 5-HTP, a multivitamin, EPAs, and eating mostly well (can’t avoid all comfort-food carbs) seems to help me a great deal.
February 26, 2014 at 3:15 pmAnother natural supplement to try is gamma-aminobutyric acid or GABA. It helps with relieving stress, anxiety, and can help with sleep. I’ve taken it with good results. It really helps with quieting down thoughts at night which can keep you awake.