Today is my birthday. I had a lovely day of running errands and cleaning the house, but did find some free time for Starbucks, Anthropologie and Jane Austin.
I love birthdays. They are a great opportunity to celebrate people. Holidays are all about celebrating an event or another person. Birthdays are simply a time to remember why this person, in particular, is important in your life.
But it’s a different story when it’s your birthday. It is wonderful to hear from friends from all different parts of your life. Ones you talk to every day. Others you haven’t heard from in years. But they all took the time to think of you today and to send you a greeting. However, birthdays are also a reminder that time doesn’t slow down. In fact, it continues to go by faster and faster.
I am now another year older. It makes me stop and think about where I am and where I hope to be. Ten years ago, I would not have imagined myself to be where I am. First of all, I was of a completely different mindset then and thought I would end up in China, but that’s another story for another day. Regardless of that, I always would have imagined that I would have kids by this age. My mom was this age when she had my older sister, so I figured I would be on a similar timeline. But now that I’m here, I can’t really imagine being a mom at this moment. I definitely want kids some day and look forward to being a parent, but today’s not that day.
I feel that there are so many things that I want to accomplish first. And even here, in my mid-to-late-twenties, I’m feeling like I’m running out of time. There are many things in my life that I am so thankful for and know I’m in the exact right place, but there are other things that make me wonder how I got here. The problem arises, however, when I realize that I don’t know how to change it. I can write down a list of goals and steps, but that doesn’t ensure my getting to where I want to be.
I stand here, ready to make the next step… but I don’t know what step that is. I feel a little lost and overwhelmed. I try to take one day at a time, but I want to make sure they are leading somewhere. Now that I’m not so consumed with my day-to-day health, I want to make sure that I am living a purposeful life. I think that’s my main goal for the coming year. To live each day on purpose. I know that’s a somewhat cliché thing to say, but I really mean it. I want to continue moving forward in a manner that’s moving towards something. Whether we’re 27 or 72, we never know how much time we have left. I want to take advantage of each day I’m given.
6 Comments
Stephanie-
March 8, 2013 at 11:37 pmHAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! And thank you. I just had a birthday 2 weeks ago and I was left feeling empty and sad. Another year has gone by, I am not where I wanted to be and thought by all the time that’s gone by I’d be at least in a similar place as I was 10 years ago. I was happier then and in fact, a little sicker. I think at this point in my life I let the disease of my intestines take over and I dropped off. When 1st diagnosed and after my 1st colectomy, I thought I was done and it was only the beginning. Then 3 years ago, i made the biggest decision of my life, to get the illeostomy and thought life would change for the better and boy, I was surely wrong!!!!!!!! I am miserable and reclusive and not even enjoying life.
I needed to see your posts today. I needed to see that I’m not the only one not where I want to be,today is changing day! Tonight I will think about where I’d like to be by June and take every step imaginable to get there,even if there are some backward steps along the way. Taking steps back I can handle, I’m used to it, but making strides forward I’m not used to and am ready to now!!!!! I would love to run a marathon, start spinning classes again,write stories and be into fitness pagents like I always wanted to be. This means I have to start taking care of myself and stop self-destructing for not being anything.
So, on this day of 3/8/13 (Stephanie Hughes’ Birthday) I am making changes to become the “me” I always wanted to be. No more looking back at what was,just looking ahead at what will be and what I will become!!!!!!! Thanks Stephanie and if you did one great thing on your birthday it is helping another ostomate find herself and give her strength to get to a better place in life. I know longer will sit on the sidelines and watch the game being played, I am jumping into the game and playing,and reaching all strides to achieve my goals!!!! THANK YOU STEPHANIE XOXOXO
Kerriann,
March 11, 2013 at 9:01 amI can’t tell you how much your post means to me. Thank you for sharing. I have to admit, I was a little hesitant writing this blog post because I thought it sounded a little negative. And honestly, I was feeling kind of down at the time that I wrote it, so I didn’t want to sound like I was whining. But I realize now that it was the right thing. I feel very humbled that I was able to provide you some sort of encouragement.
If I can provide one more bit of advice, something that I have found helpful for setting goals is writing it down! That way I can look back at it and remember what I’m working towards. I’d love to hear more about your progress along the way. This is going to be a great year!
Steph
Happy belated birthday, Stephanie! I wanted to tell you that years ago I read in a Crohn’s magazine about a young woman who had crohn’s disease, had an ileostomy since she was a teenager and had married and given birth to 2 healthy adorable children. I am sure when you find that special someone and want to have kids you will be able to make it happen. Take care and MANY more healthy birthdays to come!!
March 9, 2013 at 11:46 amThank you, Kim. I really appreciate that. And that is great encouragement. I actually have a friend who got her ileostomy about a year before me and just had a beautiful baby boy a few months ago, so I know there’s hope!
March 11, 2013 at 9:03 amHappy Birthday! I love birthdays. They are our day. For us only. Enjoy it. Hope all the issues you have faces this week are settling down.
March 9, 2013 at 7:53 pmThank you, Dawn. Yes, things are settling down. Glad to be feeling a bit back to normal.
March 11, 2013 at 9:02 am